Q: What do you call an honest lawyer?
A: An impossibility.
Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with another lawyer?
A: Nothing. There are some things that not even nature can permit.
Q: Why didn't the circus clown feel so bad about his career?
A: At least he wasn't a lawyer.
Q: What is the difference between pigs and lawyers?
A: You can learn to respect a pig.
Q: What is the difference between baseball and law?
A: In baseball, if you're caught stealing, you're out.
Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
Q: Why didn't the doctor (any other profession) pay the rent on his outhouse?
A: He didn't like the lawyer living downstairs.
Q: Who do lawyers never take their cats to the beach?
A: Their cats keep trying to bury them with sand.
Q: What does a lawyer and a sperm have in common?
A: Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being.
Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A: From chasing parked ambulances.