One misty Scottish morning a man was driving through the hills to Inverness.
Suddenly out of the mist, a huge red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. He's built like a wardrobe and despite the wind and near-freezing temperatures, is only wearing a kilt and a tweed shirt.
At the roadside there also stands a beautiful young woman, slim, shapely, a heart stopper.
The driver's attention is drawn from the woman when the highlander opens the car door and drags the man onto the road.
"Right, you," shouts the highlander, "I want you to masturbate."
"But...." stammers the driver. "Now.... or I'll bloody kill you."
So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts to masturbate. Thinking of the girl on the roadside, this only takes a few seconds.
"Right," says the highlander, "Do it again!"
"But...." stammers the driver.
"Now! yells the highlander.
So the driver pulls himself off again.
"Right, do it again," demands the highlander. This goes on for nearly two hours.
The poor man has cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw and despite the icy wind, has collapsed in a sweating, gibbering heap on the ground.
"Do it again," says the highlander.
"I can't," whimpers the driver. "You'll just have to kill me."
The highlander looks down at this pathetic wreck of a man slumped at his feet.
"All right," he says, "NOW you can give my daughter a lift into Inverness"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing