Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

on Aug, 06 2011 15948 views

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the sharing obviously hasn't ceased...

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

This student received the only A. 



Annoying Questions

Here's what I don't get:

When you can't find something, someone says to you, "Where did you last
have it?"
Well duh! If I knew where I last had it I would have found it by now! And
you actually think that I keep track of everywhere I go with something?

"Are you going to eat that or do you want me to eat it for you?"
Oh, yeah, of course I'll let you eat my food. If I can't eat it, there's
no point on wasting it on someone like you anyway. And I would've told you
if I wanted you to eat it in the first place!

"Are you on the phone again?"
No, I'm not! I'm just sitting here with the phone in my hands, talking to
myself and the line is busy. What a stupid question! You could just say,
"Why are you on the phone again", or "Get off the phone!" But why ask a
question you know the answer to? How are you supposed to learn something
that way?