This Video Of A Parrot Imitating Sex Sounds Will Scar You For Life [AUDIO NSFW]

on Apr, 20 2012 6490 views
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Monicagate as seen by the bard...

THE TRAGIC COMEDIE OF KING LEERScene 1. A forest glen. Enter Witch Tripp and Kenneth of Starr.Witch Tripp:Double, double, Webster Hubbell,I think I got the Creep in trouble.Eye of Newt, strap of bra,Could it be he broke some law?Praise this broth utmost ephemeral,Heavens! I left out my Essence of Emeril!Hark! Who trespasses so near?Kenneth of Starr: 'Tis I, the Inquisitor. What news?Witch Tripp: Things proceed with quickening speed, m'lord. The maidenLewinsky, so deeply embroil'd, is now join'd by the Lady Willey in likepursuit. Daily tightens the noose around the king. Starr: Would that it were so, but he hath good counsel, and more movesthan a chess board. His public, well pleas'd with good news of theeconomie, doth o'erlook much. Witch Tripp: How may I serve you next?Starr: I have need of acts damnable and facts verifiable. Else he mayelude me yet. Witch Tripp: His dog Buddy, freshly neuter'd, may bear his master harshreproach. He may consent to wearing a collar of our invention, to surveythe king at his ease. Dogs are much accustom'd to insects. What's one morebug? Starr: Good hag, I rely on you completely. I must away.(Exeunt Tripp and Starr)Scene 2. The king's antechamberDuke of McCurry: My Lord! I needs must speak with you most urgently! Thecastle is assaulted on all sides! Leer: What would I not give for an hour's peace!McCurry: An army of reporters is settled at thy gate. They are press inname and press in deed, for they press me daily, nay, hourly for someexplanation from thy lips. Leer: Who is there among them?McCurry: Lords Jennings, Brokaw, Rather, Geraldo of Rivera and a host ofothers. Methinks I spied the van from Hard Copy. Leer: You cut me to the quick. Do they not know that I am chaste?McCurry: They insinuate that thou hast chased too often.Leer: Never have lies been so artfully stack'd against a pure soul. Whereis Lady Hillary? McCurry: Her secretary doth report that she is lock'd in her bath, sayingover and over, 'Why can I not wash my hands of this guy?' Leer: Oh cursed fate! I must be the most solitary mortal in all creation.Never have I betrayed m'lady's trust. McCurry: Whatever.(Enter Messenger)Messenger: Good king, steel thy nerve. I bring a missive from Kenneth ofStarr, the Grand Inquisitor. Leer: Was ever a man as Starr-cross'd as I? Why does this man conspire toafflict me thus? My hand is unsteady. Read it to me. Messenger: Let me see. He offers you his regards, blah, blah, blah, thendoth subpoena you to appear at his chamber at Friday next, to forswearagain that thou tookst no liberties with the Jones wench, who withdrawethnot her claims against you. Leer: I have already so sworn!McCurry: It would seem, m'lord, that the woeful tale of Lady Willeyrekindles old flames. Leer: I kiss'd the woman on the forehead, as a sign of my regard. Neverwas a king so expos'd! McCurry: Truer words were ne'er spoken.Leer: I cannot think on't further. Leave me to my own counsel.(Exeunt Messenger and McCurry)Leer: To be forthright, or not to be forthright, that is the question.Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows ofoutrageous fortune, or just bag the whole thing and teach law at a juniorcollege. (Enter Courtier)Courtier: My liege, you are late for an appointed meeting.Leer: What's this?Courtier: You were to interview a new assistant at the stroke of two. Sheseems most capable, and with rare intellect for one so young and fair. Leer: Well, tell her I will see her anon, and on, and on.Courtier: A most clever jest, my king.Leer: Let us not tarry further.(Exeunt Leer and courtier. Enter Buddy, from behind a chair)Buddy: So dearest reader, I bid adieu.Me seeth I have much to do.And so it comes to this pretty passTo see if the king doth get some ....

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