French-Bashing to Be Olympic Sport
2/18/2003 - William Grim
Geneva - At its annual meeting, the International Olympic Committee has decided to add French-Bashing to its roster of medal sports in both the Summer and Winter Games.
"We thought it was about time," said Jesus de Manuel y Corazon, Chairman of the IOC and the 1968 European French-Bashing Champion. "Everbody hates those little lying, cowardly, collaborating, garlic-eating, never-bathing, nose-picking French bastards. It's time that French-Bashing was recognized for the truly international sport that it is, one, I might add, that is much more popular than soccer."
In Summer French-Bashing the Basher runs along a 25 meter path to the Bashee (or the Pierre as it is sometimes called), a typical French sissy picked randomly from the Paris phone book. The first phase of the Bash is called Verbal Bashing in which the Basher has 20 seconds to hurl insults at the Bashee until he starts to cry like a little girl. Then comes the second phase, or Physical Bashing in which the Basher whacks the Bashee over the head with a baseball bat. Play continues until the Bashee surrenders, which in most cases happens immediately because the Bashee is a scairdy-cat Frog after all. Scoring is similar to that in diving in which points are awarded on style, technique and degree of
Winter French-Bashing resembles its Summer counterpart with the exception that the Basher approaches the Bashee on skis.
Sports writers are predicting French-Bashing to be the biggest spectator sport of all time, with the potential of billions of dollars in TV revenues and hundreds of millions of dollars in endorsement contracts for world-class bashers.
The United States and Great Britain are already being touted as gold medal contenders for the 2006 Games, with Canada (the only country to produce both world-class bashers and bashees) a very serious challenger.