How many college students does it take to change a lightbulb in the South?
At Vanderbilt it takes two. One to change the bulb and one more to explain how
they did it every bit as well as any ivy leaguer.
At Georgia it takes three. One to change the bulb, and two to phone a friend
at Georgia Tech and get instructions.
At Florida it takes four. One to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how
to get high off the old one.
At Alabama it takes five. One to change it, two to talk about how Bear would
have done it, and two to throw the old bulb at Auburn students.
At Ole Miss it takes six. One to change it, two to mix the drinks, and three
to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.
At LSU it takes seven. And each one gets credit for four semester hours for
At Kentucky it takes eight. One to screw it in, and seven to discuss how much
brighter it shines during basketball season.
At Tennessee it takes ten. Two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an
orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how
Phillip Fulmer is too stupid to do it.
At Mississippi State it takes fifteen. One to screw in the bulb, two to buy
the Skoal, and twelve to shout, "GO TO HELL OLE MISS, GO TO HELL!!!"
At Auburn it takes 100. One to change it, 49 to talk about how they do it
better than Bama, and 50 who realize it's all a lie.
At South Carolina it takes 80,000. One to screw it in, and 79,999 to discuss
how this will finally be the year they have good football team.
At Arkansas it takes none. There is no electricity in Arkansas.