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The Top 13 Signs Your Co-worker Is About to Go Postal

13> New pickup line: "You'd be the hostage I kept till the end."

12> Three straight days wearing his "What Would Charles Bronson Do?" T-shirt.

11> His new "365 Ways to Go Berserk" desk calendar.

10> Your fellow librarian starts running after patrons and stamping their faces with the "date due" stamp.

9> Overheard saying to his manager, "Y2K? Not gonna be an issue, dude."

8> The company newsletters on his bulletin board have push-pins through everyone's faces.

7> His molar grinding is actually causing sparks.

6> He suggests replacing "Casual Day" with "Wear a Bull's-eye T-shirt Day."

5> Whenever you ask how he's doing, he always says, "Gruntled." Except today.

4> After pumping the vending machine full of bullets, he removes all the boxes of JuJuBees, caresses each one, and whispers, "You are all my children."

3> He discreetly shows you the staple gun he's converted to fully automatic.

2> Right after you click the "Send" button, you hear him mutter, "I swear, the next person who sends me one of those damn Top 5 Lists..."

1> He's the only one at work smiling.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]

[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]