A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, preparing for a religious
wedding, meets with their rabbi for counseling. The rabbi asks
if they have any last questions before they leave. The man asks,
"Rabbi, we realize it's tradition for men to dance with men and
women to dance with women at the reception. But, we'd like your
permission to dance together."
"Absolutely not," says the rabbi. "It's immodest. Men and women
always dance separately."
"So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?"
"No," answered the rabbi. "It's forbidden."
"Well, okay," says the man, "What about sex? Can we finally have
sex?" "Of course!," replies the rabbi. "Sex is a mitzvah within
marriage, to have children!"
"What about different positions?" asks the man.
"No problem," says the rabbi. "It's a mitzvah!"
"Woman on top?" the man asks.
"Sure," says the rabbi. "Go for it! It's a mitzvah!"
"Doggy style?" "Sure! Another mitzvah!"
"On the kitchen table?"
"Yes, yes! A mitzvah!"
"Can we do it on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a
couple of vibrators, a leather harness, a bucket of honey and a
"You may indeed. It's all a mitzvah!"
"Can we do it standing up?"
"NO, NO, NO!" cries the rabbi.
"Why not?" asks the man.
"Could lead to dancing."