This letter is being sent to you because we know you are critically interested in your front lawn, and this summer season will soon be upon us.
This is a fertilizer club and will not cost you a cent to join. Upon receipt of this letter, go to the address at the top of this list and shit on their front lawn. You won't be the only one there, so don't be embarrassed. Then make five copies of this letter and send it to five of your friends who appreciate good lawns.
You will not get any money or checks, but within one week if this chain is not broken, there will be 9,216 people shitting on your front lawn Your reward will come next summer when you will have the greenest lawn in your neighborhood.