The Top 15 Good Things About a Cold Winter

15. The melodious clanging Anna Nicole Smith's breasts make when she walks.

14. BATF calls off its siege of your heavily fortified compound when agents run out of hot cocoa.

13. Much easier to locate nipples during foreplay.

12. Finally, a chance to say, "Yeah, but it's a dry cold."

11. Natural refrigeration keeps vagrants crisp and fresh until Spring.

10. You can chill your malt liquor on the window ledge at work.

9. Joy of frostbite makes it easier to rid yourself of those troublesome extremities.

8. No newsclips of jogging President for at least 8 more weeks.

7. Watching O.J. enviously eye everyone else's toasty-warm glove-clad hands.

6. Flashers stick to describing themselves.

5. Spouse temporarily stops using back seat of car for illicite affairs.

4. When it's 10 below, nobody gives a rat's ass whether Internet Explorer is better than Netscape.

3. With multiple layers, people with buns of steel look exactly like people with buns of cinnamon.

2. The shivering just makes your Katherine Hepburn impersonation that much better, you old poop!

1. Goodbye, runny nose. Hello, Snotcicles!

[ This list copyright 1997, 1999 by Chris White ]

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