And you don't have your phone with you

on Oct, 11 2012 2878 views

And you don't have your phone with you


The Top 16 Signs Your Band Will Never Hit the Big Time

16> 4 words: Rage Against The Bagpipe

15> Bob Marley's cause: freedom and equality

U2's cause: third world debt relief

Your band's cause: irritable bowel syndrome

14> All your members are allergic to Spandex *and* Aqua Net.

13> The term "heavy metal" refers to the collective weight of the band's orthodontics.

12> Critics hail you as the foremost talent in your musical niche. Your musical niche? Gangsta-Country.

11> "I'm sorry, but Sousa tunes set to a hip-hop beat just isn't what the kids are buying these days, Mr. Boone."

10> A Spice Girls cover band just doesn't work if you're 35 years old. And male. And there's only one of you.

9> Percussionist always has to wait until the dishwasher cycles to retrieve his spoons.

8> You're too busy making sequels to "The Matrix," and besides, your bass playing sucks more than your acting.

7> Band motto: "Practice is for wusses."

6> Genre: Boy Band. Tour Sponsor: NAMBLA

5> Your goals, in order of priority:

1) Score some drugs

2) Score some chicks

3) Score some instruments

4> Your band's video is getting a lot of airplay on MTV -- as a promo for "Jackass."

3> Your female lead singer has talent -- just not D-cup talent.

2> You keep letting David Lee Roth back in.

1> Now that you see the jumbo letters on the marquee, you realize that naming the band "Closed For Private Party" was a big mistake.

[ The Top 5 List ]

[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]