A bloke goes into a pub. The barmaid asks what he wants.
"I want to put my head between your tits, and lick the sweat off." he replies.
"You dirty bastard!" shouts the barmaid, "get out before I get my husband."
The bloke apologizes and says he will never do it again. The barmaid, disgusted, accepts his apology and asks what he wants again.
"I want to pull down your knickers, spread cottage cheese between your arse cheeks and lick it off." he replies.
"What???" screams the barmaid, "That's it, you're barred, you dirty, filthy, perverted bastard, GET OUT NOW!"
Once again the bloke apologizes, and says he will never, ever do it again.
"Right. I'll give you one last chance," says the barmaid, "now, what do you want?"
"I want to turn you upside down, fill your pussy with Guinness and drink it all out of you."
The barmaid screams, starts crying and runs upstairs to her husband, who is sitting down watching the telly.
"What's up, love?" says the husband.
"There's this disgusting bloke downstairs! When I asked him what he wanted, he said that he wanted too put his head between my tits and lick the sweat off," she says in a flood of tears.
"What?! He's a dead man!" shouts the husband getting out of his chair.
"Then he said he wanted to pull down my knickers spread cottage cheese between my arse cheeks and lick it off!" screams the wife.
"Right, he's going to need a body bag, the bastard!" shouts the husband rolling up his sleeves and picking up a baseball bat.
"Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my pussy with Guinness and drink it out of me" she concludes.
When he hears this, the husband puts the baseball bat down and sits back down in his chair.
"Aren't you going to do something?!!" shouts the wife in hysterics.
"Listen love, I'm not messing with someone who can drink 14 pints of Guinness..."